


spenser dies at the end

by capturearena



Category: Pokemon Ranger
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Gen, Non-Canonical Character Death, Temporary Character Death, Time Loop, i'm going to eight different levels of hell for this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-23
Updated: 2015-11-23
Packaged: 2018-05-02 08:27:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,722
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5241569
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/capturearena/pseuds/capturearena
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Specific memories slip through his fingers like quicksilver, but the ending is always the same: Spenser always dies.</p>
<p>At first, Joel figures the universe wants him to save Spenser, but now he’s not sure if he can be saved. No matter what Joel does, no matter what changes he tries to make, Spenser always dies and Joel always wakes up at a desk in Fall City.</p>
            </blockquote>





	spenser dies at the end

**Author's Note:**

> shoutout to @TheDarkSakura and @Rangersoath on twitter for ~~being my enablers~~ motivating me to finally finish this. also while im here u all should go read @Rangersoath's fic [here](http://archiveofourown.org/works/5043025/chapters/11594605) 10/10 i cried a lot
> 
> title is a reference to "john dies at the end" by david wong, but the fic has nothing to do with the novel and any similarities are unintentional, seeing as i've never read it and i just like the title
> 
> if it's not clear this takes place during the ending of the game, specifically inspired by [this post](http://fioretemple.tumblr.com/post/122436275280/fuckin-i-was-thinking-about-the-ending-of-the) i made a while ago but now with more time loop bullshit because i love suffering
> 
> anyway i'd like to apologize to god and also jesus

The first time it happens, Joel almost runs straight into Spenser. He’s standing with his back to him and when he turns and sees Joel there, out of breath and halfway out of his mind with worry, he doesn’t know what to do.

“Joel? What the hell are you doing here? I told you—”

“Spenser—” He’s cut off by the other lunging forward and grabbing his wrist with a grip like iron.

“You need to get out of here,” he says, and another tremor wracks the building as if to emphasize his point.

“And what about you?” Joel retorts, trying and failing to keep his anger out of his voice. Still, he can see the same anger reflected on Spenser’s face. (He cringes, because this is possibly the worst place in the world to pick a fight.)

“I’m not going to just leave without saving the Pokemon. I still have a job to do here.”

“We have the same job, Spenser.”

Spenser hesitates then, and his expression falters. He lets go of Joel’s wrist and actually smiles at him, and it’s the kind of smile that makes his eyes brighten like he didn’t look ready to kill Joel a second earlier. “Then let’s go, before the whole goddamn building collapses.”

Later, Joel isn’t sure whether he should laugh or cry at the sheer irony of it all.

They run through the labyrinthine network of hallways, capturing the fleeing Pokemon, all while the building comes down around them. It’s almost like a scene from some melodramatic action movie until a tremor throws them to their feet and Joel feels his ribs snap under the weight of the walls closing in and someone is screaming and—

—he wakes up at a desk in Fall City with his ears ringing and his chest aching and he all but sobs with relief. In retrospect, it had to have been a dream; it’s too dramatic and too impossible and obviously he’s still alive and Spenser is still alive.

Until it happens again.

And again.

He doesn’t remember much of the second or third time, and loses count after the tenth or eleventh time watching his closest friend die. Specific memories slip through his fingers like quicksilver, but the ending is always the same: Spenser always dies.

At first, Joel figures the universe wants him to save Spenser, but now he’s not sure if he can be saved. No matter what Joel does, no matter what changes he tries to make, Spenser always dies and Joel always wakes up at a desk in Fall City.

 

* * *

 

There’s one time Joel gets close.

There’s one time he doesn’t waste time fighting with Spenser, just grabs his wrist with a grip like iron and tells him, “We need to get out of here.”

He doesn’t have time to notice that when Spenser asks, “Joel, what the hell are you doing?” he sounds different than before, less concerned and more frustrated. Joel doesn’t have time to listen when Spenser protests and tells him he shouldn’t be here.

He only stops running when Spenser says, “I don’t want to see you die again.”

He doesn’t have time to say, “Again?” before the ceiling caves in again but they’re so goddamn close to the entrance.

He wakes up at a desk in Fall City.

 

* * *

 

Spenser doesn’t know what to do.

He doesn’t know what to do when he tells Lunick and Solana to leave and Lunick hesitates and tries to say something. There’s a plea in his eyes, but Solana takes his hand and interrupts him with “we have to go,” and Spenser silently thanks her.

At least if he can’t save himself or Joel, he can save them.

He doesn’t know what to do when Joel comes back every time like a goddamn lost dog. For someone as smart as Joel is, he’s still just as stubborn, even when he knows he’s fighting on the losing side of a worthless battle. Even when he knows the ending is always the same, and he’s just risking his own life at this point.

Spenser doesn’t know what to do when part of him wants to agree, because hell, he’s never given up before and he’s not about to start now.

The other part of him has died too many times to count, and maybe for once giving up is the smarter alternative.

 

* * *

 

There’s one time Joel stays in Fall City, because maybe the universe is so cruel and unusual that Spenser will only die if Joel is there to see it. Instead, he calls Wintown’s Ranger Base. It rings for several moments before Cameron answers it in the same way he always does: with cheeriness that feels so out-of-place now that it makes Joel almost regret calling at all. Then—

“How’s the investigation going?”

And Joel kicks himself because considering everything else, he’s forgotten for a moment that there even was an investigation or that he’s supposed to be working on it. “Listen,” he says after a pause, “something strange is happening. I’ve...” He hesitates when he realizes he doesn’t know how to explain this. It’s still too impossible and he still can’t find any rhyme or reason behind the loops, other than the universe infinitely fucking him over. “Nevermind,” he finally says, moving to take off his glasses and rub his eyes. “Nevermind.”

“Joel, are you okay? You sound really stressed,” Cameron says after another pause and Joel all but sighs into the receiver because he _knows_ he is, how can he not be when—

“Everyone’s stressing out right now,” Cameron adds. “You’re not worrying about Spenser, are you?”

Joel almost laughs at the irony because _you have no idea._ No idea how many times he’s seen Spenser die (Joel isn’t even sure at this point), no idea how many time he’s had to die, no idea how extraordinarily stressed he is.

“Don’t worry about him,” Cameron continues. “You know how he is. In fact, you probably know him better than anyone else. Hey, remember when—”

But he’s stopped listening because it’s like a punch to the chest. _You know how he is. You know he’s impulsive and reckless, and too stubborn to admit when he’s wrong until it’s too late, and you know he doesn’t know how to prioritize his own goddamn life over anything else—_

“—but he was always fine. You know?”

Joel realizes that he’s missed whatever story Cameron was telling. “Yeah,” he lies. “Thanks, Cameron. I’ll talk to you later,” he says, and hangs up before the other can say anything else.

He puts his head in his hands, rakes his fingers through his hair, and waits for time to reset itself again.

 

* * *

 

Waiting to die, Spenser decides after a while, can get really boring. Not to mention he’s going to have a hell of a case of claustrophobia if this ever ends.

He inhales, breathing in dust and ash and carbon dioxide. It’s one of the few times that the cave-in doesn’t kill him immediately, just buries him alive. It would be a goddamn miracle if not for everything else.

He tries to move in what limited space he has, only to have every nerve in his right leg set on fire and he knows something is broken and he grits his teeth, choking on a scream even though there’s no one around to hear it.

Spenser is not a religious man. Of course he believes in legendaries—he’s _seen_ them—but it’s not like he’s done a lot of worshipping in his life. Now, though, he tips his head back and screws his eyes shut and prays to  anything that bothers to listen to a dead man's prayer. He isn’t afraid of dying; for one, you really can’t be when you’re a Ranger and oh yeah, he’s already died about twenty times in the last day.

He lays there, prays to whatever’s listening, and waits to die again.

 

* * *

 

There’s one time they both win.

It always begins the same way: Joel almost runs straight into Spenser. But this time, Joel isn’t out of breath because he’s become so used to doing this and he may as well be out of his mind.

And this time, Spenser knows what to do.

“Joel. Please stop.”

Joel feels like he's been winded, and he takes a moment to find his voice again.  “What?”

“You need to stop coming after me.”

“I've tried,” he replies.

Spenser doesn't realize what he's doing until he has the collar of Joel’s shirt in his fist and he wants to scream but all he can manage is “I’m so goddamn tired of this.” He can feel hot tears pricking at his eyes and blood rushing to his face, blood just under his skin, blood that’s been spilled too many times.

Joel retaliates immediately, grabbing Spenser’s wrist with a grip like iron. “Do you think I'm not? Do you think I want to keep watching you die?” Nails dig into his skin and Spenser panics for a moment because Joel—calm, collected, patience-is-a-virtue Joel—has finally lost it and he’s yelling and his eyes are red and _he's so goddamn tired._

Spenser hesitates then, and his expression falters. He lets go of Joel’s shirt and actually smiles at him, but it's the kind of smile that never reaches his eyes. “Then let's go.”

“What?”

“Let's go. I'm tired of dying.”

Joel is still holding onto Spenser’s wrist, so he stumbles when he breaks into a run. Spenser grabs his Styler from his belt with his free hand, and Joel rushes to catch up.

As they run through the labyrinthine network of hallways, capturing the fleeing Pokemon, Joel realizes that _they're actually going to make it. They're going to win this time._

_They're going to win._

They make it out of the halls and into the elevator and outside, and they both inhale fresh air like it’s the first breath they’ve ever taken. When Joel looks over at Spenser as if to make sure he’s still there, he’s practically bouncing on the balls of his feet like he's high on the adrenaline still racing through his veins. He looks over at Joel and grins. “We won.”

Joel grins back and says nothing, but _it's over and we won and_ —

—he wakes up at a desk in Fall City.


End file.
